I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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