if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
