i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
