i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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