Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
nutella sex= disaster
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
