im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
