as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just had sex on a roof
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
