my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
