The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just google imaged poop.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
