I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
