Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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