no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
