Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
