she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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