Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
