It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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