It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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