Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
