he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
