I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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