Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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