Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
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