yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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