"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
