i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
