Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
