he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
