I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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