Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
