I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
