i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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