In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My bed smells like the plague
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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