Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
