'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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