For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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