So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
