walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
