bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
