At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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