So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
