You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
