OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
