You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
