even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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