Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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