I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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