They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You're a waste of cheezeits
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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