I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
