Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
how drunk are you?
Several
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
