Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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